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Rise of the Fans (July Humor Newsletter)

    • 84 posts
    June 30, 2017 11:04 PM PDT

    Rise of the Fans July Newsletter

    Graphic Content Warning

     

    This month, we’ve got nothing. We know, every month we try to make it sound like we’ve got some exciting stuff to announce, but then we have nothing, and make some stuff up. This time however, we’re admitting we have nothing, but that we’re gonna make some stuff up.

     

    First up we’ll have some news from the Pre-Alpha testing that’s underway.

    Next we’ll have some patch notes from the Pre-Alpha.

    We’ve got a Q&A with this month’s Hardcore Raiding Poopsock addict, Dreconic!

    We’ve got another new class, the Jabawaki!

    Of course we’ll share with you some of what was overheard in Terminus this past month.

    And, as always, some news this month that you may have missed.

    We’ll also have a pretty big announcement for the Final Notes this time around, so stay tuned and read it all, or you might miss an opportunity!

     

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    Pre-Alpha

    With Pre-Alpha well underway now, we’re getting lots of amazing feedback from you guys, some of which we wanted to take the time to address. We’re aware of the graphical issues when unequipping armor, and don’t need any more feedback reports that say simply, “I look funny with no pants!” We also don’t need the pictures to prove it. Particularly the ones taken out of game.

    We’re also aware of characters falling through the world and landing in a lost city of gold that was never actually added to game. We’re looking into this.

    Finally, to the person or persons who have somehow added a can of spray paint to their inventory and started spray painting illicit pictures all over Terminus.. We have a very particular set of skills. Skills we have acquired over the last week or two. Skills that will make us somewhat annoying for people like you. But we promise you, if you take down the graffiti, that’ll be the end of it. We won’t look for you, we won’t pursue you. But if you don’t, we will find you, we will nerf you, and your entire guild.

     

    ---------------

    Patch Notes

    Of course letting the unwashed, semi-washed, and poopsocked masses into our little world has turned up some things we hadn’t noticed before, and has forced us to do a whole new round of patches. Below you can find everything we’ve fixed in the latest round of patching.

     

    Enchanter - Clarity no longer causes munchies and unquenchable thirst if dosed appropriately for level and/or class tolerance.

    Warrior - Removed alcohol inhibiting effects from warriors so they can continue to drank, tank, and spank!

    Monks - No longer required to be celibate. ‘Nuff said.

    Paladin - All Paladins are now required to attend “appropriate handling” seminars before enabling Lay on Hands.

    Shield Guardian - This class will be replaced with something slightly less suited to tanking, such as a Sherman or M1 Abrams.

    Summoner - Have had their ability to group removed, to better reflect their role within groups.

    Direlord - Defined for them that “Manipulate their own blood” does not mean their relatives.

    Druid - Tried to fix Druid’s pet, but they called PETA on us. Legal is getting back to us. We will keep you updated.

    Druid - Helm models are being redesigned to all have a black and yellow checkered appearance to more appropriately reflect the role of the class.

    Rogue - No longer receive 7 years bad luck when smoke and mirrors fails.

    Shaman - Iconic curse will no longer be filtered by the bad language filter.

    Cleric - Adjusted cleric attitudes making pacification more effective.

    Ranger - Have been removed entirely to more appropriately reflect their role within the game.

    Dark Stalker - Being a hybrid of two hybrids which includes the ranger hybrid, the Dark Stalker will now be the butt of all jokes, as the ranger is no longer in game.

    Wizard - Improved Wizards ability to tell time, so they can arrive precisely when they mean to.

    Dark Disciple - Removed all “manscara” from previous character models, necro monks no longer need to be sad.

    That’s the first round of patch notes! Hopefully we’ve addressed many of your concerns.

     

    ---------------

    Addicts Corner

    This month’s Addict: Dreconic!

     

    “First quetion, Dre, I understand you're a hard core raider, so I have to ask, what exactly is a poopsock, how many do you own, and why do I always get funny looks at Walmart when I ask if they carry them?”

    Dreconic: “Well a Poopsock is quite frankly, exactly what it sounds like. A sock, usually a long, like knee high, tube sock. When you go on long gaming marathons, and I am talking like 48-72 hours long and you’re right in the thick of it healing your group you can't say "Sorry need to AFK to go poop" you just use your "Poopsock" and keep gaming.”

    “Do you have a prefered brand of poopsock, or will just any do?”

    Dreconic: “As a young man of a certain age I use socks for many different things, including as socks. There is this one brand perfect for Poopsocking and that is the FYF sock, they claim it is 15x stronger than steel!”

    “Okay, getting away from your socks for a moment, and their various uses, what's the most ridiculous thing you've done during a raid? What about the most ridiculous thing no one noticed?”

    Dreconic: “I spent most of my raid time pulling in EQ. And sometimes half asleep "stop all pulls" and "Pull them all" can sound a lot alike. Needless to say I have wiped many a raid.
    As far as the most ridiculous not noticed, as a healer thinking the fight is going on and healing someone, draining all my mana right before a pull when it was two idiots dueling…”

    “Of all the MMOs you've played (how many is that?) what was the most ridiculous raid to date, and what made it so ridiculous?”

    Dreconic: I have played well over a couple dozen MMO's from EQ, VG, WoW, SWTOR in my early days, to ESO, GW2, and Rift for newer ones, and have tried just about ever free MMO out there.
    As far as most ridiculous raid would be any of the early EQ raids (Velious through Planes of Power) those raids lasted 8 hours and some of those fights alone lasted 45 minutes to an hour. Spamming kick and dragon punch every 3-5 seconds gets old really fast.”

    “Were you ever part of a Pre-Nerf fight against the Statue of Rallos Zek?”

    Dreconic: “We don’t talk about those raids, the memories are... no i can't even think about it sorry.”

    “What, exactly, is your favorite gaming food, considering that eventually it'll have to make its way to a poopsock?”

    Dreconic: “During long gaming sessions it is important to stay well hydrated and feed. While some people like to go the energy drink, sugar snacks and donuts I perfer doing water with powerade for my drinks, and high protien low fat snacks like beef jerky, mixed nuts and dried fruits.  Nothing greasy or heavy on the carbs as that will put you right out after being up 30 hours.”

    “Between your long gaming sessions, your dried meat diet, and the general hygiene questions brought up by owning a poopsock, how many doctors have been amazed that you're still alive, and how have you consoled them in their poor career choices?”

    Dreconic: “That is an easy one, simply don’t go then they don’t know and don’t look down at you for your life choices! Hey, no one said the MMORPG raiding addict life was a healthy one!”

    “Finally... any advice for casual gamers looking to make the move to filthy poopsocks?”

    Dreconic: I think this should have been said at the start like in those crazy shows on MTV, Discovery (Mythbusters) or any other show where people do stupid acts but I will say it here, "Don't try this at home, all answers were done by a trained professional."

     

    And that wraps up this month’s Addicts Corner!

     

    ---------------

    New Class News!

    The new class is the Jabawaki

    (Completely unrelated to the Jabberwoky, we swear!)

     

    The Jabawaki is replacing the previously announced Bard class. This class will fill many of the roles the Bard would have, including bringing more CC to the game, however instead of singing or playing music to inspire their allies, they’ll dance. Dance monkeys dance. They’ll dance your socks right off (poop or otherwise). They’ll be limited from using melee attacks, and will instead simply read excruciatingly nonsensical poems to their enemies. This will have the effect of keeping the enemies mesmerised until such time as the Jabawaki’s party is ready to kill them, or, until such time as the enemy takes their own life in a fit of monotonous apathetic detachment.

     

    ---------------

    ICYICM

    (In Case Your Ice-Cream Melted, or something like that)

     

    There’s not a whole lot of unseen news this month. Some folks got their feathers ruffled, other folks in turn got their feathers ruffled. There was more ruffling, and I’m pretty certain someone made a feather pillow. That’s it.

     

    --------------

    Final Notes:

    First Big Note!

    Rise of the Fans is looking to expand the strictly volunteer team with an artist who has an interest in webcomics, but no idea what to write. We've got the stories you've got the making of the art, together we'll create something amazing. Or horrible. It could go either way really. For some idea of the tone we'll be going for think 2 parts comedy, 1 part seriousness, 3 parts ridiculous, and 8 parts "I'm just making this recipe up as I go along." We offer no sort of payment, aside from the chance to be part of the cool kids club. Or, you know, whatever club it is we are. For details and to show off some of your work for us, send me a PM.

    Second big note is that, beginning in August this will no longer be the “Rise of the Fans” newsletter, and will change the title to something else. Maybe Terminus Tribune. That’s what’s being leaned towards.

    I have some big thanks to throw out there.

    First is Dreconic who helped inspire me to make the first newsletter.

    Also a big thanks to Convo, who gave us the original inspiration for this insanity.

    Dreconic, who agreed to be our Addict of the Month!

    Also, I wanna throw a thanks to the general population of the Voices of Terminus discord. Several folks there have (whether they knew it or not) helped me along with ideas, jokes, inspiration, and general goodness.

    Finally, thanks to the folks at VR who have taken these as the good natured humor they’re intended to be.

    Disclaimer: This is an entirely satirical newsletter, and not representative of any actual news. No representatives of VR took part in the making of this newsletter (except to laugh while reading it hopefully). If you took anything in this seriously, I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.

     

    Next Month? More chuckles and goodness, hopefully.

     (along with the new name)

    Edited for formatting


    This post was edited by Reafwalk at June 30, 2017 11:32 PM PDT
    • 511 posts
    June 30, 2017 11:39 PM PDT

    Another great Article Thanks for hte interview and putting this together Reafer!

    • 63 posts
    July 1, 2017 3:14 AM PDT

    THanks for the patch notes, insightful and informative.  ++

    • Moderator
    • 9115 posts
    July 1, 2017 6:07 PM PDT

    Haha, thanks Reaf, nice job man :)

    • 763 posts
    July 1, 2017 10:07 PM PDT

    Fantastic Update there Reaf!

    I am so jealous of you for having so many sources in VR. The level of detail they give you is awesome! Dunno what you are bribing them with, but keep it up!!

    Evoras, made the mistake of googling 'poopsock'....

    • 84 posts
    July 1, 2017 11:35 PM PDT

    Kilsin said:

    Haha, thanks Reaf, nice job man :)

    All part of the service! :D

    Evoras said:

    Fantastic Update there Reaf!

    I am so jealous of you for having so many sources in VR. The level of detail they give you is awesome! Dunno what you are bribing them with, but keep it up!!

    Evoras, made the mistake of googling 'poopsock'....

    I bribe them with laughter, and while it may be the best bribe (aside from dessert things) so far the only inside info I've managed is a thanks each month, and some chuckles, which... all said is a pretty great reward in itself. ;)

    On a side note, after the interview wherein I learned the true nature of the poopsock I felt dirty for hours, and had to turn up the hot water in the shower and scrub with lye soap before I felt clean again. I'd never ever google it. I'd be afraid of what images might manifest.

    • 278 posts
    July 2, 2017 12:44 AM PDT

    LMAO

    Best breakfast read ever can you make these a weekly thing plz :D

    Im gonne change my first prof now to Wabajacki think its abit dangerous as it may even kill team mate's from suicide, have to think on this hmmm...