You should be more worried about yourself and less for this individual, or any other.
Norms and prejudice. Your way of describing this reminds me of the stereotypical 'once a junkie always a junkie'. Treat each case individually and leave the over-generalised statements aside. Their being in prison is not enough for us to "decide" for you.. just as your your "horrible" crime may well be just.. bad for another. When all we do in order to describe someone is apply derogatory tags on them, perhaps asking for further advice is rather superfluous?
You have no right or power to "forgive" another's errors (if not commited against you). You are neither God nor the toothfairy. I understand what you are implying, but the wording itself signifies enough as it is. Skip the judgement, or reserve it for your own person. What they did is their story, just as what you did is yours.
Now how you treat another, that's up to you; as will be the consequences, good, or bad. Asking for advice does not shift the weight of said future consequences. Take them as they come.
This is a tough one, and can effect anybody here...
I tend to be a person that does not want ANY drama in life. There is no need or time for it. So if someone like this were to show up and lean on me for guidance, company, etc... I would be very cautious and uncomfortable because you have no clue how prison life really changes someone (mentally and physically). I would be very careful not to be too open because out of nowhere, certain people will take advantage of it and make the situation worse. If you have a family, you owe them protection...
Now, everyone is different, and some might even find faith and be totally changed coming out. I am not big into faith but know it does change people. I have a very small close group of friends and it is hard to get into my inner circle. Maybe this is why I am answering it this way. I am a BIG believer that people often invite trouble into their lives and should be smarter in some of their habits or decisions.
With all this being said, be cautious and be careful, but follow your instincts.
Gangs usually reach into prisions and have communities in there as well and Im sure that was not a good influence. I would steer clear if at all possible because if this person is going to get himself right probably the only way to do it is for him to move away and stay away from that influence
I thought for sure this thread was going to be about lifting weights.
Anyone that went to jail for 22 years is probably a considerably different person. Not necessarily a better person, but the fact that he showed up at your door (a non-criminal, I assume), could mean he is looking for a better alternative.
On a serious note, until you better understand him and his intentions in life, I wouldn't let him in your house. Especially if you are well off. I'd suggest meeting him somewhere else in the future.
Amsai said: What do you do when a person from your past you never expected to see shows up on your door step after 22 years in prison? Do you believe a person can reform. Should a horrible crime commited as a 16 year old kid be forgiven? Forgotten? Stupidity of youth transformed ober 22 years into a decent human being?
Well, I know I am nothing like I was when I was 16. Maybe give him a chance but VERY cautiously.
Many of us have had hard lives.
Between the age 17 to ~23 I went in and out of being arrested, sleeping in my 94 Geo Storm behind a church, taking impromptu road trips around the country while engaging in nefarious activites, stealing, lying, and being an incredible jackass. The majority of that time is a blur of streetlights in downtown Austin sitting on street corners trying to get strangers to buy me liquor and cigarettes. I've hurt people, lost friends trust, made countless mistakes, and conned every penny out of every person I knew in any way I could to support my habit of being a jackass.
This isn't murder, and this isn't 22 years of jail. There are big differences between myself and this person, I concede that. But I also know that who I was then is not who I am now, nor who I've ever really been. I now work in mortgage, pay my bills, and do the best I can to provide for my wife and her two kids as their step dad. It's night and day. People change. It's because of my own experience and the experiences of close friends that were also good people despite their mistakes that I 100% advocate giving those who deserve it a second, or a third, or as many chances as it takes. If they're good people.
It's up to you to decide if he's a good person.
Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate it. I usually handle things my own way but like I said I thought an outside perspective might be more objective to the situation.
I have decided that I will welcome him as a friend but cautiously feel it out as I go along. Also while I never felt any danger, I think Ill be meeting him away from my home from now on.
Maybe invite him out with my other buddies for some drinks, or listen to some shitty local bands. Maybe the outdoorsy thing instead. I am overdue for a fishing trip1
Anyways, thanks again for the input.